Hi
friends, I know it’s been since the holidays that I’ve posted an update, and
many of you have kindly checked in to see how things have been going. In a
word, they haven’t, but we know that is pretty much par for the course at this
stage, and we are trying hard to remain patient and positive.
Over the
last couple of months, we’ve heard scattered reports about how things are
generally going in Haiti, and also had a very brief “non-update” from our
agency, so I thought I’d at least share those highlights.
On 1/13,
I received an email from our program manager asking if we could connect. She
called us after work, when Justin and I were enjoying a mini Friday date-night
(happy hour beer and plate of pickle chips) before picking E up from my
in-laws. He took the call in the hallway away from the din of the restaurant,
and I sat a bit paralyzed at the table, staring out the window. Since I
couldn’t see Justin to read his body language during the conversation, I just
sat there fretting and holding in tears—it could be good news (the referral?)
or bad news (officially “losing” K?). Turns out it wasn’t really either. Our
program manager knew that we hadn’t heard anything in some time, and wanted to
pass along a brief update that she had heard from the crèche.
When we were first presented with K’s information in November, details about her were scant. Recently, her dad has begun voicing his discontent that K is to be adopted. However, he has not done anything to take action against this, such as stepping forward to say he will raise her. Our program manager let us know that this is not unusual, and may not ultimately impact anything. He could fade away again, or he could choose to step up and take care of his daughter (or other relatives could choose to do so). We can’t know what will happen around this, and I initially felt more angst than appreciation at receiving this update. However, in the end, I believe that a child should have a family, and in many cases, I recognize that biological family is preferable. If bio-family is able to step up and care for K, providing the unconditional love and guidance and support that she so desperately deserves, then my heart will be well. Either way, I'm vacillating between feelings. On one hand, I'm frustrated that things aren't moving for K--she is missing out on precious time with her family, even if that is not us. (For perspective, K was just about to turn one-year old when we first learned of her, and she is now 16 months old.) On the other hand, the busyness of our day-to-day provides a welcome distraction, and Eisley's growth and development is incredible and keeps us on our toes.
In this
conversation, we also learned that the other family (mentioned in my last
couple of posts—they were also seeking a referral for K, were “chosen” ahead of
us, and then pulled out of it because another referral was apparently already
in the works for them) did not end up receiving a referral. This may have
occurred because of first seeking K, but is unclear. My heart aches for them.
One
thing we’ve been learning to navigate through this process is that intel about
what’s happening on the ground in Haiti is hard to come by and hard to
validate. While our program manager provides updates as she has them, they are
often sparse. To fill in some of these gaps, families in our social media
support groups will post what they’ve heard, and I’m so grateful for these
connections. I’ve begun to rely on these virtual friends for updates; I often
hear from them first when things have stopped or started in Haiti.
With
that, we’ve picked up some good tidbits over the last few months. Here are a
few key notes:
- One of the reasons things have been particularly quiet lately is because IBESR has been experiencing infrastructure issues. It appears that there have been periods of time when their printers and copiers were not working, electricity was spotty, and/or the generator was not functioning well. This makes me realize how much we take our modern, first-world amenities for granted. Something as “simple” as a printer going down halted movement for countless children and families. Judging by our social media groups, it looks like some of these issues may be resolved now; some families are reporting receiving their referral, embarking on bonding trips, and even moving into the final stages of their child’s adoption. Praise!
- It appears that more staff is being added to support (and speed up) the matching/referral process. IBESR has stated that they are working to implement procedures this year so that a family’s dossier should only sit with IBESR for 6 months and at the judicial phase for 6 months, meaning that hopefully matches will occur and move forward within a year. (Apparently this was an intention shared when Haiti transitioned to Hague, but is being reaffirmed!) This is incredible news for those of us waiting (and waiting, and waiting). There is still a backlog of families waiting for referrals (some waiting since 2014), and it sounds like the focus is to get these completed first.
- IBSER will continue to meet throughout the year with agency representatives and crèches, to hear concerns and ensure procedures are being followed. I’m hopeful that this will keep the doors of communication open, aiding in the flow of accurate and timely information, and may help to put emphasis and spotlight on the pain-points in this process that could be improved. (Here is where my process-improver brain goes into hyper drive. Evaluate resource needs! Streamline steps! Document for continuity and consistency! Set and communicate expectations! Obviously, that is me trying to control the uncontrollable, and is embarrassingly oversimplifying things with which I have but only a small window into. Not to mention my bias… J I do trust that those working on this are the right, skilled people, representing both the child and the family’s best interests. /end moment)
I
think that’s all for now! This “non-update” turned out a bit longer than I
anticipated—par for my style of writing and talking, I suppose. Love and hugs to you and yours.
