Bonn Fèt, Bèl Pitit Fi Nou
Happy birthday, our beautiful daughter.
Today, our littlest one turns three. She's still in Haiti, we're still in Seattle, and my heart is somewhere in between. I don't have any updates to share about when we'll be able to bring her to her new home, but I needed a space to process some of my thoughts and emotions around this.
I remember when Eisley turned three: we had a small party at our old house, with just family. It was sweltering, and the icing on her celebratory cupcake was sliding off, but she didn't mind--probably because she was wearing a birthday crown. I don't remember the exact gifts she received, but it's likely she was given books, puzzles, and imaginative play toys for her budding brain and imagination.
Today, it's likely that K's birthday will pass quietly. Here, we will be celebrating "with her" from afar. Eisley is excited to sing happy birthday (let's be honest, she's excited to sing anything), and we'll probably enjoy a treat for K. We'd be honored if you celebrated with us, however you'd like and wherever you are!
As we began approaching the holiday season this year, it became clear that we would not be traveling to Haiti to pick-up K in time to celebrate her birthday, Thanksgiving, or (in all likelihood) Christmas in her new home. Against all advice, we have been holding our breath, thinking that November was our miracle month, and we'd be bringing her home before ringing in the new year.
Here's why November has been such an important month for us:
-Almost exactly one year ago (November 28, 2017), we flew to Haiti to meet K for the first time.
-One year before that, November of 2016, Justin and I took a vacation to Boston and saw a little girl in an email, and just knew it was our daughter. Spoiler alert: it was! (I wrote more about that during that time, in this post.)
-One year before that, November of 2015, we had just been accepted into the adoption program with our agency, and officially began this winding journey.
So, you can see why we were praying that November of 2018 would be when we'd get to the turn page, and begin writing the next chapter together.
Some Thoughts about Gifts and Things
The other vein of thought I've been mulling on is related to adoption, but also related to parenting in general.
Over the past couple of years, we've been slowly gathering items that will be just for K: bright clothes for all seasons (think of the weather she hasn't experienced yet!), books starring strong girls and characters that look like her, a soft doll, warm blankets, small puzzles and toys. In the crèche, the kids aren't really able to have anything that is "just theirs". Essentially everything becomes a shared item, and we observed that this meant that toys and books were often hoarded and/or fought over. Because of this, things were often quickly broken and abandoned. We take for granted that playing and learning to take care of things are learned behaviors, and the reality is that this isn't a priority in the crèche. To be clear, this isn't intended as a criticism, this is just one of the many difficult realities that we experienced.
We also know how easy it is to take for granted our access to "stuff". The age of Amazon and fast fashion makes it easy to choose from a wide variety of things, get them quickly, and then discard/replace/get more. In my opinion, this lessens the value and appreciation, and can quickly turn us into "thing monsters". We're trying very hard to raise our family by building traditions, especially around the holidays, that center around service to others and giving, to try and balance against the overwhelming noise of the consumerist culture in which we live. But, I digress.
I share this because we are in a unique position to introduce K to ALL OF THE THINGS, but feel a responsibility to be thoughtful in how we do this for her. I'll note that we are actively trying to do this with E too, but there is a unique difference between the two girls in this vein, based on their early upbringings. In our adoption journey, we've learned that too much (too much stuff, too many sensory offerings, too many experiences too fast) can be very overwhelming. So, while it's tempting to smother K in toys and trips and things, we'll need to be aware and take it slowly. And, just like any parent raising kids realizes that you can't raise all of your kids in the same way, we know that just because K is not far behind E in biological age, her development won't be the same as E's was at three years old. It will be thrilling to continue to introduce her to chunky wood puzzles, crayons and paints, and imaginative play toys, and watch her learn and express curiosity, and grow!
Jwaye nwèl, zanmi ak fanmi
Merry Christmas (and happy holidays), friends and family. Justin just brought up the Christmas tree and all of the accoutrements from the storage under the house, and Eisley is dancing around the house with glee, ready to decorate. I'm going to pour myself a cup of coffee and try to soak in the warmth of the season. Love to you and yours.
Happy birthday, our beautiful daughter.
Today, our littlest one turns three. She's still in Haiti, we're still in Seattle, and my heart is somewhere in between. I don't have any updates to share about when we'll be able to bring her to her new home, but I needed a space to process some of my thoughts and emotions around this.
I remember when Eisley turned three: we had a small party at our old house, with just family. It was sweltering, and the icing on her celebratory cupcake was sliding off, but she didn't mind--probably because she was wearing a birthday crown. I don't remember the exact gifts she received, but it's likely she was given books, puzzles, and imaginative play toys for her budding brain and imagination.
Today, it's likely that K's birthday will pass quietly. Here, we will be celebrating "with her" from afar. Eisley is excited to sing happy birthday (let's be honest, she's excited to sing anything), and we'll probably enjoy a treat for K. We'd be honored if you celebrated with us, however you'd like and wherever you are!
As we began approaching the holiday season this year, it became clear that we would not be traveling to Haiti to pick-up K in time to celebrate her birthday, Thanksgiving, or (in all likelihood) Christmas in her new home. Against all advice, we have been holding our breath, thinking that November was our miracle month, and we'd be bringing her home before ringing in the new year.
Here's why November has been such an important month for us:
-Almost exactly one year ago (November 28, 2017), we flew to Haiti to meet K for the first time.
-One year before that, November of 2016, Justin and I took a vacation to Boston and saw a little girl in an email, and just knew it was our daughter. Spoiler alert: it was! (I wrote more about that during that time, in this post.)
-One year before that, November of 2015, we had just been accepted into the adoption program with our agency, and officially began this winding journey.
So, you can see why we were praying that November of 2018 would be when we'd get to the turn page, and begin writing the next chapter together.
Some Thoughts about Gifts and Things
The other vein of thought I've been mulling on is related to adoption, but also related to parenting in general.
Over the past couple of years, we've been slowly gathering items that will be just for K: bright clothes for all seasons (think of the weather she hasn't experienced yet!), books starring strong girls and characters that look like her, a soft doll, warm blankets, small puzzles and toys. In the crèche, the kids aren't really able to have anything that is "just theirs". Essentially everything becomes a shared item, and we observed that this meant that toys and books were often hoarded and/or fought over. Because of this, things were often quickly broken and abandoned. We take for granted that playing and learning to take care of things are learned behaviors, and the reality is that this isn't a priority in the crèche. To be clear, this isn't intended as a criticism, this is just one of the many difficult realities that we experienced.
We also know how easy it is to take for granted our access to "stuff". The age of Amazon and fast fashion makes it easy to choose from a wide variety of things, get them quickly, and then discard/replace/get more. In my opinion, this lessens the value and appreciation, and can quickly turn us into "thing monsters". We're trying very hard to raise our family by building traditions, especially around the holidays, that center around service to others and giving, to try and balance against the overwhelming noise of the consumerist culture in which we live. But, I digress.
I share this because we are in a unique position to introduce K to ALL OF THE THINGS, but feel a responsibility to be thoughtful in how we do this for her. I'll note that we are actively trying to do this with E too, but there is a unique difference between the two girls in this vein, based on their early upbringings. In our adoption journey, we've learned that too much (too much stuff, too many sensory offerings, too many experiences too fast) can be very overwhelming. So, while it's tempting to smother K in toys and trips and things, we'll need to be aware and take it slowly. And, just like any parent raising kids realizes that you can't raise all of your kids in the same way, we know that just because K is not far behind E in biological age, her development won't be the same as E's was at three years old. It will be thrilling to continue to introduce her to chunky wood puzzles, crayons and paints, and imaginative play toys, and watch her learn and express curiosity, and grow!
Jwaye nwèl, zanmi ak fanmi
Merry Christmas (and happy holidays), friends and family. Justin just brought up the Christmas tree and all of the accoutrements from the storage under the house, and Eisley is dancing around the house with glee, ready to decorate. I'm going to pour myself a cup of coffee and try to soak in the warmth of the season. Love to you and yours.
