Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Home at Last

We did it, ya'll. Our little love, Kattiana, is finally home. She and I arrived back in Seattle the evening of Thursday, March 21, 2019. We've been tucked away at home since then, deep into the warm folds of bonding and attaching as a family of four, and I'll share more about our new day-to-day as we settle in further. But first, I wanted to document the last stage, share what the pick-up trip was like, and of course add a few pictures and videos. (Skip to the end for this; apologies for this novel.)





















 Our Decision to Travel

Kattiana's Visa was printed pretty quickly (on March 6th), meaning she could officially leave Haiti and come home to the U.S. However, the U.S. Travel Advisory still had not come down from the Level 4 "Do Not Travel", which put us in a difficult situation. Wait for who knows how long until the Travel Advisory comes down, or take the risk and travel, knowing that if unrest kicked up again, it may be extremely challenging to leave the country? Our agency sternly cautioned us, telling us that it was likely that no one would come and rescue us if something went wrong, and that they did not recommend travel. Justin and I spent a long, fretful weekend discussing it and talking to parents who had recently traveled or who were in the country, hearing many great perspectives and advice. I am so grateful for how honest, kind, and thoughtful so many strangers were to us.

We mostly heard that things were tense but "fine" for the time being. We knew this could change in an instant, but my fear was that if conditions did disintegrate, we would never be able to get there. We also knew that there was an American volunteer, Sue, staying at the creche, and it gave me comfort, knowing there was someone else there. 
Technically, you're required to be in-country for one week, but we asked the creche if we could shorten our trip, and they were willing to trim it down to 4 days/3 nights.  
We decided that we would go, and go quickly.

At this point, Justin and I decided to "divide and conquer": I would travel to Haiti solo to pick up Kattiana, and Justin would stay back in the U.S. to take care of Eisley and the dogs. This way, if anything were to occur in Haiti that would cause a delay in coming home, only one of us would be stuck, lessening the impact on Eisley. This decision did not come lightly, and to be frank, it kind of terrified me. Not because I felt like I'd be unsafe in Haiti, but because the idea of doing all of it on my own was daunting. 
We checked on my life insurance, booked three one-way flights, and bought travel insurance.

Monday: Arriving in Haiti

My flights to Haiti were uneventful. When I deplaned, I looked for the gruff porter who we hire to help expedite us through immigration, pick up our luggage, and guide us to our driver. I was relieved to quickly spot him, but then saw that he was holding a sign with someone else's name - it seemed that no one was there to help me. Great start. I sucked it up, got in the long immigration line, and settled in for a wait. Twenty minutes in, I realized I needed to first pay the passport fee (a different line, of course), hustled over to do this, and then went to the end of the immigration line to start over. Sigh. A few minutes later I spotted the porter again holding a sign, but this time it had my name on it! He pulled me out of line and helped me get through the rest of the steps quickly. The drive through Port-au-Prince, Petionville, and up the mountain to the creche was long and slower than normal.

I knew that once I arrived at the creche to pick up Kattiana, she would be fully in my care, eating with me, and sleeping in my room. This made sense, since she has legally become our child, but this meant she was expected to immediately transition from everything she has ever known to all new experiences, without any real preparation. It's a lot to ask of a little one. 

When I got up to the classroom where the kids were, Kattiana actually smiled and walked to me, allowing me to hug and hold her. I was so grateful that Sue (and Idette, another volunteer who arrived later!) captured precious pictures of this moment, and many others during our time together. 

We slowly transitioned to our room, and Kattiana closed off, wary of me. It took time, but she began to warm up as I pulled out trinkets, toys, and snacks from my bag. 
That evening we shared dinner at the director's home with Sue, where she is staying, and Kattiana put away more spaghetti, vegetables, and cake than I thought was humanly possible. This kid knows how to eat, and while I recognize she's lived with food scarcity for much of her life, I was glad to see her willing to try new foods and snacks. It was really special seeing her make choices throughout the week, deciding what she did and did not want to eat on her plate, taking her time and savoring treats. These are things she's never had the luxury of doing before.

Tuesday: Visa, Passport, Exit Letter, and First Father 

We woke very early Tuesday morning to drive back down to Port-au-Prince for our Visa appointment at the Embassy. The drive would typically only be about an hour, but it took well over two hours, as the driver picked up and dropped off others along the way. Kattiana was not thrilled to be in the car (and got carsick, poor thing), and I held her tightly (no car seats) on the bumpy ride down. We had an appointment for 8:00, right when the Embassy opened, and moved through the line and security quickly. It had been recommended that I bring snacks, toys, and extra clothes for K, but we weren't allowed to actually bring anything but our passport and ID inside, not even our phone.  

When we got into the waiting room, I was quickly called to a window and told K's items would be ready shortly. About ten minutes later they called me up again, and told me they were missing a signature from an Embassy employee on one of the pieces of paperwork. (YEP! COOL!) They said he was in a meeting, we'd need to wait for him, but they didn't know how long it would be. (DOUBLE COOL!) We all sat silently and stared at each other. Finally, about an hour later, I was called back up and handed a packet of K's passport and visa, certificate of Hague adoption, and sealed packet for immigration into the U.S. The guy who gave it to me tried to chat with me about my connection to Haiti, gave Kattiana a lollipop, and overall seemed very pleased with himself to get to deliver these life-changing pieces of paperwork to me. I was exhausted and just wanted to take them and go, and didn't have patience for his saviorism.

Next, we drove to the creche's head office to pick up Kattiana's exit letter, which is required to pass through immigration in the Haitian airport. (Note: "letter" is a total misnomer, it's a whole packet of documents.) We had been told it might be possible to meet Kattiana's birth dad here, and due to the unrest and short trip, I had assumed it was no longer on the table. However, while at the office, he did arrive! Kattiana was scared, I was emotional, and he seemed patient with me. For her privacy, I won't share the details of our conversation, but I am eternally grateful we were given the opportunity to meet him, capture pictures, and ask a few questions. I was able to convey to him that it was an honor to raise his daughter, and offered to share pictures and updates through the creche as she grows up. This experience and the information he shared will be so key for K as she gets older. So many adoptees don't have this opportunity, and I can hardly express how special it was to me.

Wednesday: Bon Voyage  

One of the traditions of picking up your child from the creche is for the parent(s) to throw a farewell party, including a cake, treats, decorations, and fun. We knew that there was a bakery in Petionville where a cake could be purchased, but in planning for the trip, I wasn't sure if it would be reasonable to ask for this to be picked up, so I decided to bake at the director's house. To plan for this, I packed two baking pans, boxes of cake mix, frosting and toppings, oil, and applesauce (as I wasn't sure I'd have access to eggs). I also packed supplies for a party mix, lemonade mix, balloons, streamers, and other decor. It was a lot, and a large part of why my checked luggage was over 70 pounds! The head of the orphanage checked in with me on Tuesday and told me I hadn't brought enough, and estimated that I should pay $100 for a cake from the bakery and more treats. I held firm and said this was what I would be able to provide, and she was annoyed, but it turned out to be just enough, and the kids were thrilled.

Kattiana and I baked and decorated the cakes together with Sue on Tuesday night. High-altitude baking in an oven with no real temperature gauge -- a first for me! I cannot express how thankful I am that K and I were able to spend time with Sue and Idette this week; they were kind, compassionate, and patient. We were able to share meals and a lot of laughter together, and I don't think I could have made it through this solo trip without them. 
Baking with Kattiana was hilarious; she did not understand why I would want to mix up this giant bowl of tasty batter, and then not eat it! I handed her the spatula to lick (a time old tradition), and made the mistake of turning away for a moment. When I turned back, she had plunged the spatula into the bowl and scooped up a giant mouthful batter. Needless to say, she likes chocolate. 

The party was a complex experience. I dressed us both in simple "party" dresses, to celebrate the occasion, and Kattiana ran around squealing in delight at first. The head nurse got the party going by leading everyone in songs and dances, and it was beautiful and special. K was mostly happy, but began to turn inward a bit as the focus turned to her, and the kids and nannies sang her adieu. I can only begin to imagine what she was feeling. Despite the challenges that growing up in an institutionalized environment causes, such as the lack of felt safety and connection in a familial environment, this is all K has ever known. These are her people, and leaving them will be leaving her world.

Thursday: Departure and Homecoming

We rose very early Thursday morning to travel to the airport. The drive back down felt similar to Tuesday: multiple starts and stops, another carsick Kattiana, and a supremely stressed out mom. I didn't realize it until I fell into Justin's arms Thursday night that my stomach had been clenched into a perpetual knot for the entire trip to Haiti. At the airport, our favorite porter helped expedite my check-in with the airline and guide me through security and immigration. I don't think I could have done this without him, as I lugged two bags, a backpack, and Kattiana along. Passing through immigration was quick and easy, which was amusing, as multiple adoptive parents had told me this part of the process was mildly disconcerting. I knew I'd have to hand off both of our passports and our exit letter here, and had been warned that they would vanish with these documents for an unknown amount of time, without any explanation. Instead, I had to remind the immigration officer that he needed her exit letter. He took it without looking at it and literally tossed it aside on his desk. I guess this is just another point of proof that nothing in this process is predictable.

Our flights were scheduled for PAP to NYC, and then NYC to SEA. I had brought two small airplane toys to the creche, to play with them and talked about our flights with Kattiana, in the hopes of this giving her some kind of insight into the craziness ahead of her. When we got to the PAP airport, I situated us by the window so that we could watch the planes take off, in the hopes that this would also give her some comfort. To my delight, she was overjoyed, standing on her chair and pressing her face against the window, shouting "AVYON! VOLE!" (Airplane! Fly!) Once we boarded, she was upset about the seatbelts (again, remember, all new things to her) but once we got going, she did amazingly well. I doled out a steady stream of snacks, stickers, and small toys that she'd not yet seen. She wouldn't wear the soft headphones I brought, so TV was not a distraction I could employ, and I was exhausted by the time we landed. Her only true meltdown was as soon as we landed, and this was because she had to pee. I'd dressed her in a diaper for the flight, fearing she couldn't hold it, but she refused to use it (good on you, girl!) so I stuck her in the front pack, and lumbered down the halls as fast as I could. Moving through the U.S. customs process was fairly smooth, and they took their documentation, stamped her visa, and welcomed us home.

This is when things went downhill. My phone indicated I had 40 minutes until our next flight, meaning I had to very quickly re-check the bag, get us through security again, get food for us, and find our gate. I immediately got lost in the airport, and Kattiana was wailing in the front pack I was carrying her in, hungry and overstimulated. I was near tears, and a kind man stopped and helped get me pointed back in the right direction. Then I saw the security line and knew we would never make it in time. I joined the queue and tried to fight back more tears. Another kind human noticed me, told me that anyone with a child should always go first, and pulled me into the front of the line. I have never been more thankful for observant and compassionate people. We got through security, rushed to grab food, and found our gate with about 15 minutes to spare. Here, I realized that something was wrong with the clock on my phone. It was an hour ahead. We had an hour and fifteen minutes to spare. Geez louise. 

Fortunately, this gave us time to eat, stretch our legs (aka, Kattiana taking off down the middle of the airport, squealing in delight at being free), and watch the planes take off some more. I was nervous about the length of this flight, and knew she desperately needed a nap. Once we got on the plane, we taxied for 45 minutes, which was just the right amount of time for her to have a complete screaming meltdown, clawing to get the seatbelt off and into my lap. By the way, don't I get a certificate for officially joining the "parent with the screaming kid on the airplane" club? Our seatmate was a calm older gentleman named Dave who told me his hearing was poor, so he didn't notice it much (God bless you, Dave). As soon as we were in the air, I clicked her seatbelt open and she literally laid right down into my lap and fell asleep. Poor bug. Her nap gave me enough time to sit quietly (and watch a movie!) When she woke up, I deployed the snack/toy/snack/toy routine again, and she quickly learned the "I'm going to throw this on the ground to make you pick it up" game, which was really fun for me. We also played the "let's go pee every 14 minutes" game, now that she is taking in more water than she ever has before. I wish I could have captured her reaction to the flush toilet on the plane. She insisted on pressing the button, and jumped out of her little skin, eyes wide, and then burst into the loudest laughter her little lungs could muster. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen, and she was so enamored with it that she pressed it again. She has also totally fallen in love with all faucets, and washing her hands has become one of her new favorite pastimes! 

The rest of the flight was okay, and when we landed, Dave turned and told me that he'd had a difficult week with his ailing parents, and sitting with us was a joy and an honor. I burst into tears and told him that he had no idea how grateful I was with his patience,  briefly explaining how difficult the last few days had been for us. The humanity I experienced on this trip has filled me up immeasurably.

Getting through Seatac to meet Justin and Eisley at baggage claim felt a bit like a homecoming scene in a movie. Eisley was literally running around with joy, Justin and I were a hot mess of emotion, and Kattiana was overwhelmed. Somehow, we made it home and to bed, and our new life as a family of four officially began. 

The last few days have been a blur of love and fatigue and firsts, for all of us. I am still catching myself marveling at the fact that she is here. She is running around, squealing, jabbering away, playing, testing, yelling at the dogs, checking in, not sleeping, and sparkling, truly sparkling.

A Few Pictures




Seeing each other again for the first time


A sweet moment of calm together

 

Enjoying her ramen


 
Baking cakes and cooking together

 


Sharing her snack with friends, completely of her own volition


 Walking outside of the creche. As you can see, she really loves this carrier* (*sarcasm)





Ready for the party



Friends and nannies singing farewell to Kattiana at her bon voyage party 

Watching the planes


Orevwa, Ayiti.





Home sweet home

Saturday, March 2, 2019

Passport Update: Part Three

I don't want to bury the lede, so I'll just get right to the point: This may very well be our final passport update, because K's passport has been printed!

The last few weeks have been extremely rocky and emotionally difficult. Seeing a picture of our little love's passport this week, with her new full name, and bright shining eyes (what a big girl she is!) was a gut-wrenching relief. 

Since my last post on 1/31/19, there were more starts, stops, and tears than I can count. What a rookie I was when I noted in that post that the worst of this certainly had to be behind us. Obviously, I was wrong, and should probably just keep my mouth shut with my assumptions and guesses.

Here's a quick run down of what's been going on:

2/7/19: We learned that our agency, WACAP, is merging with another well-known agency, Holt International. Holt was on our short-list of agencies, and we have trust in their experience and knowledge. But, this could not have come at a worse time for us, personally. 
(My reaction: "OF COURSE. YEP. THIS IS GREAT. COOL. EXACTLY WHAT WE NEED RIGHT NOW.") 
Over the last 3+ years, we have built a relationship with WACAP and our program manager, and we learned that she is leaving the agency entirely, and has taken a job elsewhere. It's difficult to describe the feeling of being handed over to a new agency, knowing that we'll need to fill out some more paperwork (COOL), get to know a new program manager, and hope that they care about us as much as our past program manager has. Because she's a pretty great human, our WACAP program manager has offered to provide intermittent support on nights and weekends, to help us through the final stages. This is above and beyond, but is a testament to her commitment, and we could not be more grateful.

2/14/19: Civil and political unrest hit a new high in Haiti. It began around February 7th (well, last year, really) and we'd been following it closely. Much of the day-to-day life in Haiti has paused, as masses take to the streets to protest government corruption and insane inflation. On this day, the US raised the Travel Advisory to level 4 ("Do Not Travel"), due to the safety concerns caused by the widespread protests.
I won't do justice explaining all that has led to this, but I highly recommend taking a moment to do some googling about the history of the government (led by both a president and prime minister), the PetroCaribe deal, and the extreme economic inflation. It's disappointing that this is not more widely publicized in US news circuits; many friends I spoke with had no idea anything was going on. It only seems to pop up in the form of sensationalized stories about violence. But, I digress. 
Here are a couple of sources that explain some of the recent protests.
PBS


2/15/19: We learned that Embassy personnel and their families have been asked to evacuate, and the adoption visa processing has been suspended. We know that the passport printing has stopped as well, so this means that our last two steps to finalize our adoption will not be possible until the country is safe enough to return to a semblance of normalcy. Through this, we have felt some comfort in knowing that K's creche is fairly remote, and heard word that things were okay in her area.

After this announcement, we wept. I prayed. We watched from afar, feeling helpless, sad, scared, and concerned. As the protests continued, the president and prime minister did nothing of value to hear the concerns of the people or move towards meaningful resolution. We continued to read stories of people being unable to purchase food, water, or petrol. This beautiful country, these amazing people, they've had enough. 


Since this time, a relative sense of quiet has resume. It's a tenuous quiet, from what we understand, because nothing has actually been resolved. Protests could resume at any time.

2/25/19: We see an announcement that the Embassy will resume visa processing. Tacked on to this announcement is a warning that travel is still not recommended. This could mean that visas are completed, but families cannot travel to pick up their children. We don't know what this means for us; we are still waiting.

2/28/19: Late in the evening, after tucking Eisley into bed, I settled on the couch to decompress from the day. I glanced at my phone and saw an email from our former program manager. This was unusual, as we typically only hear from them during business hours. This means I'm on alert during the day, vigilantly keeping an eye on my inbox from morning to afternoon. But, once I leave the office, if we haven't heard anything, I assume it was another lost day, and I try to breathe until the next morning dawns.
I opened the email and realized she was emailing because this was the big one: K's passport is done.

Up Next: Visa

We've reached the final stage: visa. Our agency has told us that this stage is the only one that seems to move with any sense of consistency. If this holds true, K's visa could be printed within a week. Once her visa is printed, we can bring her home. 
But, because nothing can go smoothly, there are a few potential hitches we're keeping in mind.

1. The US Travel Advisory is still at a Level 4, and we don't know if we'll be allowed to travel, or when the Travel Advisory will be reevaluated. 
 Technically, we can book flights directly through airlines, but major travel search engines (Orbitz, Travelocity, Expedia) have removed Haiti from their search filters. For a short time, at least one of these search engines posted a message that traveling to Port Au Prince is illegal, which is wholly untrue and infuriating. This has since been removed, and now the airport codes are simply not recognized. This is already creating negative impacts on the Haitian economy, and likely will continue to impact tourism for an extended period of time, even when things are safe.

2. While we might be able to book a flight, our travel into the country could put undue strain on the resources of the creche. They provide us with transportation, food, water, and a space to stay. While we pay for this through our adoption agency, this is still a difficult time, and the focus should be on caring for the kids. 

3. There are undoubtedly other families who are also in limbo, and eager to travel to pick-up their little love(s) too. The creche only has two rooms to house families, so it's unclear how this will be handled. We would happily rent a space nearby for the week that we will spend in-country, but don't know if this will be an option. 

In the meantime, thank you for your prayers, good thoughts, good vibes, compassion, kindness, sensitivity, hugs, and high fives. Keep it coming.