Note: Not long ago, I received some great advice from a woman/adoptive mama/blogger that I greatly admire about the power of brevity and editing in a blog post. Today, I did not heed that advice. At all. I am striving to be less wordy in the future, but today...it all poured out. Grab yourself a big mug of coffee, paragraphs are ahead.
Bonjou! (good morning!)
A few weeks ago, I started to draft a blog update, as we were approaching a couple of milestones in our adoption process:
1. November 2015, we began our long, complex adoption journey.
2. November 2016 (11/4/16, to be exact), we first glimpsed baby K, on a Waiting Children list, and immediately began to pursue her. On top of this, I was acutely aware that her second birthday is later this month.
As I was drafting the post, I was struggling to put my emotions into clear language. Over the last year, K has been regularly on our minds and hearts. If you've followed along with the blog, you'll recall that while we were hoping and praying that we would get the referral for her (aka, the official "match"), we experienced a couple of hiccups along the way where we believed we would not. As November rolled around again, I was feeling frustrated and sad that we did not have any more news to share. Ultimately, I ended up just setting this post aside, and told myself I'd come back to it.
Then, a few days later, I received a call from our agency. "This is a unique situation, and I wasn't sure if I should call you yet...but, after talking with my supervisor, we decided it would be best that we reach out. The crèche has lodging held for you on the 22nd of this month."
Long story short, the crèche where K lives is remote, and has limited lodging available for families. The crèche directors felt "sure enough" that our match for K was going to come through that they had held a room for our socialization trip. This is quite uncommon; the "typical" process is that we would not receive the call announcing our match until IBESR had officially signed off on it. But, since the notice was so short, our agency wanted us to be able to begin our preparation as soon as possible (i.e., let our work know, buy plane tickets, secure coverage for Eisley and Dublin, purchase necessary items for the trip...)
We were overjoyed, but slightly skeptical, and held our breath for the next week. One week after this call, on 11/15/17, the official word indeed arrived. We received our referral for K! We still have a long way to go, but this is a huge milestone in the international adoption process. We are incredibly excited and incredibly overwhelmed.
(As an aside, we were just saying the other day that we were starting to feel "at home" in our new house and neighborhood. Then, BAM! The referral comes through. His timing sure is amazing, huh?)
So, here's what's next
J and I will be flying to Haiti for 2 weeks, to spend our "socialization trip" with K at her crèche. Fortunately they were able to push it out one week, or we would have literally had one week's notice to get everything in order and get on a plane. We have chosen not to bring E with us on this trip, as we think the length of time away from her routine could be a bit disruptive for her right now.
While we'll be there to spend time with and get to know K, we will play with her and other kids in the crèche, and potentially lend a hand around the facilities, if possible. We'll also spend some time with the crèche directors, to connect with them and see if they may know more about K's background. (We learned that one of the directors is a big whiskey man, and J is looking forward to bringing him a small bottle as a gift!) We're planning to pack large portions of our suitcase with toys and books to play with and leave at the crèche, as well as other items to donate.
After the two weeks is up, we will fly home, without K. This is painful to think about, but is part of the Haitian adoption process (not every country does this). After we arrive home, we file more paperwork, essentially asking the US to designate K as a "relative", so that she can enter the US, and informing Haiti that we are indeed agreeing to adopt K. We will then move back into the waiting phase, relying on two disparate governments to complete their work. I'm sure it will go smoothly and quickly (joke)
There are quite a few paperwork checkpoints for us to get through. Once all of these are complete, we'll be allowed to fly back, pick K up, and bring her home. There is no specific time frame that we can expect for this, but it appears to be taking about 6 months to a year for most families.
A few reality checks
While our upcoming trip is called a "socialization" trip, we've been cautioned that the time we spend with K may be limited, and/or challenging. While we have been dreaming of her regularly, to her we are strangers. It will likely take time for her to warm up to us (one family we talked to shared that their little girl wouldn't make eye contact or smile until four days into their trip). In addition, we cannot realistically attach and bond with her in this short amount of time, nor would it be fair to her to expect this, when we know we will be leaving her again for some time.
After our socialization trip, we can go back to Haiti as often as we'd like to visit K. I'm not sure yet if we will be able to (more plane tickets, more time off work, and we would need to arrange our own lodging and transportation), but it's comforting to know that it is an option. (Prior to the referral/match, we aren't allowed to donate funds or go to the creche, as it could appear to be bribery.)
Many of you have asked what we can share about K. Until our adoption is final, we are not allowed to publicly share information about K (aka, post on social media). This includes posting identifying pictures of her, information about her crèche, or her full name (hence why we're using her first initial). While in Haiti, we will be able to take pictures and video to our heart's content. And you best believe we will!
What you can do
Pray and/or send all the good vibes our way. Neither of us have ever been on a trip to one place for so long, and we are feeling apprehensive about the time away from home, and the many unknown factors of what to expect while we're in country.
Learn more about Haiti! Google will serve you just fine in this effort. If you are a podcast fiend like myself and would like to understand the history of the country, check out the Revolutions podcast, and find the "4" series (4.0-4.19) to hear the riveting story of the Haitian revolution.
Brush up on your Haitian Creole. Justin and I are working on learning some of the building blocks of the language, but I'll admit that I'm feeling really challenged in this. Not only is this important for us to learn more of and respect her culture and heritage, but we don't expect that K will known much/any English. When she does come home with us, being able to share her mother language will be extremely beneficial for communication and learning.
On to the next stage of our adventure...
Renmen (love), J & J
Bonjou! (good morning!)
A few weeks ago, I started to draft a blog update, as we were approaching a couple of milestones in our adoption process:
1. November 2015, we began our long, complex adoption journey.
2. November 2016 (11/4/16, to be exact), we first glimpsed baby K, on a Waiting Children list, and immediately began to pursue her. On top of this, I was acutely aware that her second birthday is later this month.
As I was drafting the post, I was struggling to put my emotions into clear language. Over the last year, K has been regularly on our minds and hearts. If you've followed along with the blog, you'll recall that while we were hoping and praying that we would get the referral for her (aka, the official "match"), we experienced a couple of hiccups along the way where we believed we would not. As November rolled around again, I was feeling frustrated and sad that we did not have any more news to share. Ultimately, I ended up just setting this post aside, and told myself I'd come back to it.
Then, a few days later, I received a call from our agency. "This is a unique situation, and I wasn't sure if I should call you yet...but, after talking with my supervisor, we decided it would be best that we reach out. The crèche has lodging held for you on the 22nd of this month."
Long story short, the crèche where K lives is remote, and has limited lodging available for families. The crèche directors felt "sure enough" that our match for K was going to come through that they had held a room for our socialization trip. This is quite uncommon; the "typical" process is that we would not receive the call announcing our match until IBESR had officially signed off on it. But, since the notice was so short, our agency wanted us to be able to begin our preparation as soon as possible (i.e., let our work know, buy plane tickets, secure coverage for Eisley and Dublin, purchase necessary items for the trip...)
We were overjoyed, but slightly skeptical, and held our breath for the next week. One week after this call, on 11/15/17, the official word indeed arrived. We received our referral for K! We still have a long way to go, but this is a huge milestone in the international adoption process. We are incredibly excited and incredibly overwhelmed.
(As an aside, we were just saying the other day that we were starting to feel "at home" in our new house and neighborhood. Then, BAM! The referral comes through. His timing sure is amazing, huh?)
So, here's what's next
J and I will be flying to Haiti for 2 weeks, to spend our "socialization trip" with K at her crèche. Fortunately they were able to push it out one week, or we would have literally had one week's notice to get everything in order and get on a plane. We have chosen not to bring E with us on this trip, as we think the length of time away from her routine could be a bit disruptive for her right now.
While we'll be there to spend time with and get to know K, we will play with her and other kids in the crèche, and potentially lend a hand around the facilities, if possible. We'll also spend some time with the crèche directors, to connect with them and see if they may know more about K's background. (We learned that one of the directors is a big whiskey man, and J is looking forward to bringing him a small bottle as a gift!) We're planning to pack large portions of our suitcase with toys and books to play with and leave at the crèche, as well as other items to donate.
After the two weeks is up, we will fly home, without K. This is painful to think about, but is part of the Haitian adoption process (not every country does this). After we arrive home, we file more paperwork, essentially asking the US to designate K as a "relative", so that she can enter the US, and informing Haiti that we are indeed agreeing to adopt K. We will then move back into the waiting phase, relying on two disparate governments to complete their work. I'm sure it will go smoothly and quickly (joke)
There are quite a few paperwork checkpoints for us to get through. Once all of these are complete, we'll be allowed to fly back, pick K up, and bring her home. There is no specific time frame that we can expect for this, but it appears to be taking about 6 months to a year for most families.
A few reality checks
While our upcoming trip is called a "socialization" trip, we've been cautioned that the time we spend with K may be limited, and/or challenging. While we have been dreaming of her regularly, to her we are strangers. It will likely take time for her to warm up to us (one family we talked to shared that their little girl wouldn't make eye contact or smile until four days into their trip). In addition, we cannot realistically attach and bond with her in this short amount of time, nor would it be fair to her to expect this, when we know we will be leaving her again for some time.
After our socialization trip, we can go back to Haiti as often as we'd like to visit K. I'm not sure yet if we will be able to (more plane tickets, more time off work, and we would need to arrange our own lodging and transportation), but it's comforting to know that it is an option. (Prior to the referral/match, we aren't allowed to donate funds or go to the creche, as it could appear to be bribery.)
Many of you have asked what we can share about K. Until our adoption is final, we are not allowed to publicly share information about K (aka, post on social media). This includes posting identifying pictures of her, information about her crèche, or her full name (hence why we're using her first initial). While in Haiti, we will be able to take pictures and video to our heart's content. And you best believe we will!
What you can do
Pray and/or send all the good vibes our way. Neither of us have ever been on a trip to one place for so long, and we are feeling apprehensive about the time away from home, and the many unknown factors of what to expect while we're in country.
Learn more about Haiti! Google will serve you just fine in this effort. If you are a podcast fiend like myself and would like to understand the history of the country, check out the Revolutions podcast, and find the "4" series (4.0-4.19) to hear the riveting story of the Haitian revolution.
Brush up on your Haitian Creole. Justin and I are working on learning some of the building blocks of the language, but I'll admit that I'm feeling really challenged in this. Not only is this important for us to learn more of and respect her culture and heritage, but we don't expect that K will known much/any English. When she does come home with us, being able to share her mother language will be extremely beneficial for communication and learning.
On to the next stage of our adventure...
Renmen (love), J & J
