Ohana means family

Hello and welcome! 

I anticipate that many of you have found your way here because you know us, but perhaps you have stumbled upon this page fortuitously. Either way, I thought it might be helpful to start with some introductions, and maybe share why we began this little blog.

Who We Are

Justin & Jordan: married since November 2008; parents of a boisterous, hilarious, and intelligent little girl, born in July 2014

Jordan: supervisor in a Human Resources center at Starbucks; the main voice behind this blog

Justin: graphic designer for a high-end cycling company

Eisley: aforementioned daughter. hobbies include: sorting small items; reading every book in the house 27 times; squealing with joy

My Thoughts About Adoption

I have always known that I would be a mom. I didn't really grow up imagining my wedding, and I never really knew what I wanted to be when I "grew up" (quotations used with purpose, as I would argue that I may never be all grown up). The only thing I knew, in the way that you know that your lungs will keep inflating and deflating without you telling them to, was that I would somehow be a mom someday. 

I imagined two children: one biological child and one adopted. I can't pinpoint where this idea originated--my family doesn't really have a history or connection to adoption (in the sense that we are pursuing) and I didn't grow up with adoption in my friend-group (that I'm really aware of).  I just knew in my heart of hearts that adoption was right for me.  If asked, I imagine my family would probably shrug and sort of attribute this to my spirit of humanitarianism. (And maybe "oh, it's because she just likes to do things differently than the rest of us. Sigh, she's just like that.")

In reality, there probably is a connection--in my life, I seek ways to serve or walk alongside those who are stigmatized and unheard. I also believe that there are so many children in need in this world, and I have a lot of love to give. So, if we have the ability to provide a loving, secure, and stable home to just one of these children, we should. To me, it is just that simple. 
Related to this, I've volunteered with a locally-based ministry called REACH for the last ten+ years and seen many, many beautiful versions of blended and adoptive families here. In some ways I've "grown up" with REACH, and watching these families grow has been a shining example of strong adoptive parents and children. 

I would also like to briefly mention one thing related to this now, that I have heard from those around us, both strangers and friends: This has never been about "saving" a child. The "hero" idea is a precarious pit and troublesome myth. More on that another time. 

Our Daughter

Anyway, fast forward many years, and I met and married my best friend and partner: Justin. We both thought we wanted two kids, and while we may have discussed adoption at some point in our early relationship, it was not something we dove into much together. After some years of marriage, we decided we were ready to begin the plunge into parenthood. Ten months and 28 hours of unmedicated labor later (a story for another time, if you wish to know), our amazing daughter joined the world. 

Justin & I had decided we wanted to enjoy one of the world's most delightful surprises, and chose not to learn our baby's gender while pregnant. So many people (strangers included) were sure that we were having a son that we had begun to believe this as well. Imagine our surprise when our little girl came out squealing! 

Parenthood has been the most challenging experience, ever. I know; understatement of a lifetime, right? Eisley did not begin "sleeping through" the night until she was nearly 8 months old and she is an extremely opinionated eater (most common opinion: ew, no), but she is healthy, so smart, and the light of our lives in ways that we never knew possible. She is loving, she is loved, she is incredible.

A Moment of Truth

This is where blogging is going to be a bit hard for me. I believe it's important to be clear and honest about some parts of me that I wouldn't normally share readily. They are personal. So, please be kind. 

I had difficulty with my pregnancy. Fortunately, medically, all was fine. But, I was nauseated for the entire pregnancy, all-day/every-day sick, and I will admit (with some embarrassment) that I did not enjoy being a pregnant lady. In addition to the sickness, I missed being in control of my body and former teenage body-image issues seemed to come flooding back from the depths that I thought I had banished them. 

After a long labor and delivery, and the challenges of the first few months that are inherent with newborns, I knew that I could not ever do that again. I'm not really prepared to go into all of this now, but I will say that no, I was not diagnosed with post-partum depression by a medical provider. However, in hindsight, I should have sought more help than I did, and I do not believe I can do that again, for myself or my family. 

Justin and I talked about this at length; and from conversation one, he has respected that it is my decision whether or not I can be pregnant again--it is my body, and my experience.  And I love him so much for this. So, for quite awhile, we thought, "well, we will have an amazing only-child. and that is what our family was meant to be"

Ohana

Then, after Eisley celebrated her first birthday, we began talking about adopting a second child. We were feeling like humans again. We had settled into a routine that worked for our family. We saw her at playgroup and daycare, and loved the interactions she had with other children. We began to revisit our "only child" decision.  It did take us some time (and for me, a lot of prayer) to make the "final decision". We knew it would not be easy--emotionally, financially, and all of those other "-lys", but we knew it was right.  

And this leads me back to this blog title.  Thank you Lilo & Stitch for saying it more eloquently than I could: Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

There is no "one" or "right" definition of a family. 

Justin and I know that our child is out there, waiting to be connected to us and to come home. We don't know exactly where they are or what they look like. But we know they are waiting and we have a lot of work to do to get them into our arms.

Up Next

I've had these words rolling around in my mind for some time now, and have struggled how to put them "to paper". I still don't think I got them right, but there is a point where I just need to hit Publish and call it a day.   This ended up quite a bit longer than I expected, so I think I will pause here, and pick back up again later (after a dance break and cup of coffee, probably).

Other things currently on my mind, for future posts: our choice to look at international adoption, versus national; announcing our "paper pregnancy"; the homestudy process we are currently immersed in.  

What else would you like to talk about?

I'm not sure that I can commit to a particular posting cadence right now, but I'm glad you're along for the ride. Questions and comments are welcome.

Blessings and Cheers,

J, J, & E