A home study is common in the foster and adoption world, and accomplishes a few things:
it creates a space for us to educate ourselves about what we're stepping into; allows our agency to evaluate our suitability as prospective adoptive parents, and ultimately ends in a formal document that will be included in our dossier to Haiti that highlights why we're a good match.
The requirements of a home study vary across states, agencies, and countries, so this is just a recap of our experience, living near Seattle, with our specific agency, preparing for our adoption from Haiti. (I feel like I am full of caveats when I write lately!)
Our agency is incredibly organized (I mean, they've been around this block a few times, since they've existed in some capacity since the '70's, and all) and provided us with an electronic toolkit that contains everything we'd need for our home study, and then some.
The key elements:
- The paperwork: If we've talked about the adoption process in person, you've probably heard me lament about the paperwork. It's...a lot. Documents we've had to gather or prepare for our home study include a complete overview of our finances/assets/debts/regular expenditures; tax returns; pay stubs; four detailed reference questionnaires from friends; a guardianship declaration; basic medical assessments signed by a doctor; birth and marriage certificates; proof of passports; pictures; fingerprinting for safety clearance... I'm sure I'm forgetting something here. Not to mention that much of this is also required for our dossier (another story, another day).
- Autobiography: We each separately completed a detailed autobiography.
"How detailed?" you ask? Oh, just 87 questions detailed.
Questions ranged from motivation to adopt; experiences growing up and the impact of primary caregivers; personal strengths and weaknesses; challenges faced in life; relationship history; physical and mental health history; parenting experience/planning/expectations.... We completed and shared this with our social worker prior to her home visit, to give her the ability to learn about us, and spark other questions she might need us to answer, in order for her to produce our home study document. Creating this was intense and deeply personal. We each chipped away at this over the span of 1-2 months, carving out time a few nights each week. - Parenting Plan: This was another long and challenging writing assignment, also sent to our social worker prior to her home visit.
Ranging from 35-65 questions (depending on if we are adopting an older child or child with special needs), the plan lays out topics that are imperative for an adoptive parent to be thinking about and planning for. This included things such as post-adoption logistics (time/pay when off work, insurance, childcare plans and contingencies, etc.); potential impacts of institutionalization and prenatal exposures; and the reality of life as a multi-cultural/transracial family. Essentially, this asked us to do our research, identify local resources, and think hard about some of the challenges we might face.
We partnered on the task, and at times felt overwhelmed and emotional. When thinking through some of the challenges our child might face when she comes home, I could sense the mama-bear in me rising up, and a fierce sense of protection growing for her already. - Training: We're required to complete something like 10-12 hours of training. This sounds like an inordinate amount, but I am incredibly grateful for the training and resources we've been provided thus far, and hungry for more. We spent a full-day training in-person at our agency's office, and completed the remaining hours through recorded webinars. Similar to the topics covered in the parenting plan, the training was honest and pulled no punches. For example, webinar topics included multicultural families (and the ignorance we may face), tantrums (and how to handle them when they last for an hour or more), and more. We spaced them out over several weeks, in order to digest, discuss, research further, and absorb. This is not something to take lightly. And while these hours are just the "official" training requirement, we have scads of articles to read, and I plan to focus my efforts and energy here once our dossier is in Haiti and we are anxiously and impatiently awaiting next steps. While I quickly learned with Eisley that reading a parenting book/blog or listening to your grandma's-friend's-aunt's expert advice does not make you an expert parent to your child, I am one for approaching things as eyes-dwide-open as possible.
In fact, if there's one thing we've already taken away from our learning, it's that we will have to parent this child differently--not just because she is her own unique being, but because she will be joining us with unique trauma and experiences that color her very existence. - Home Visit: For the final portion of this process, our social worker came out to our house to interview us, ensure we have a safe abode for our child to come home to, and to also briefly meet Eisley (who simply mean-mugged her and then returned to sorting her beans). She asked us prepare for the interview to last about four hours. Upon arriving, though, she complimented us on our writing abilities, stating we'd answered many of her typical questions through our pre-work, and in the end she only ended up spending just over two hours with us.
I will admit, I was nervous for this visit. Our social worker is kind and calm, and assured us that we did not need to clean the house top-to-bottom--in fact, it should really just reflect how we normally lived. Of course we didn't heed this (would you, if you had guests arriving?) and cleaned and organized. If anything it was a good, cathartic excuse to clean house; but it was the interview portion that created anxiety in me.
Now, I should pause and clarify that the interview isn't a "determining factor" in proceeding with the adoption. Of course, if we waved giant red flags in her face, she might have concerns, but it's really to help her write a positively-toned overview of why we should parent a child from Haiti. "Sell us", if you will. But, I couldn't help but feel like I was interviewing for a job, and if I "did it wrong", she would just close her notebook right then and there, shake her head and say "thanks, but no thanks" and move along.
(I know, if you know me, you're probably surprised. Me, who clearly has no qualms in presenting or public speaking, doesn't like interviews? Well, here's my little secret: interviews are my achilles heel.)
Our social worker met with us together to discuss a few points from our pre-work, met with us separately to discuss our childhood and relationship, and that was it. Painless (aside from my poor attempts at brevity and levity).
Some people refer to their adoption process as their "paper pregnancy". It's a cheeky moniker, and I completely relate to it. This process is a labor of love. In some ways, it is not relatable to my pregnancy with Eisley, but it is highly similar in the most important way: at the end of this journey (which will, by all accounts, likely exceed 9.5 months) our daughter awaits.
Resource: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/f_homstu.pdf
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