Waiting for Referral: One Year

One year ago today we entered IBESR, meaning we officially became "referral ready".  I was putting off writing this post in the hopes that we would beat the anniversary, and receive a referral before today. Alas, that was not meant to be.  

Here's why we were really hoping to have more news to share today. Two weeks ago, we received the following email from our agency:

Hello, Jordan and Justin:

If you remember, there was a delay in K's case, because of the birth father considering parenting her.   However, it seems that she is now legally available for adoption.  I asked the creche for an update on her case, and got an email from them today saying that her dossier is now complete – it has been submitted to IBESR with a request for match with your family.  (IBESR has had our request for that match for quite a while now, and now they have our creche's request and the child’s dossier, too.)

So, keeping my fingers crossed that they’ll approve the match! 

As you know, things are slow and unpredictable in Haiti… so, both the family’s and child’s dossiers can be 100% ready for referral, and still wait for months, if not longer, due to many issues unrelated to the dossiers.  Still, I am becoming more and more excited now that I have recently had two match requests approved and the families are in Haiti, as we speak, for their socialization trips! 

I’ll keep you posted. 

-M

Cue the happy dance! 
We haven't heard anything further since this, and are eagerly waiting/praying/holding our breath. K turns two in just a couple of months (November), and it would bring me no greater joy than to get to hold her in my arms to celebrate her birthday with her.

In the meantime, we're working hard to stay afloat in all of the other areas of our life. Work has been insane for both of us, and it has felt like we're working two jobs: our corporate jobs in the day and then coming home and putting all of our (remaining) brain power and elbow grease into getting our house on the market and searching for our next home. We have accepted an offer (our second, actually, but that's a story for another time) and have found a couple of homes that would be amazing for our little family. But, this has proved to be quite a challenging process (take your pick of metaphors: a roller coaster, a crazy game, a fragile web...) It's also time to gear up for REACH camp, where I'll again be volunteering in the camp director role. It is a lot of prep work, but my most favorite time of year.  Oh, and Eisley will be moving to a new daycare next month (under our office at work; it will be amazing to have her so close). So, you know, not a lot going on here. ;)

In some ways, I think that being this busy is a good distraction from this long wait, because when I pause for too long, I can get mired down in frustration and sadness. To balance this, I am trying to more regularly express gratitude for the abundance of good in our lives.  So, thank you to each of you for your ongoing support, patience, and kindness.  

Dossier Registered in Haiti

In July, I talked about the waiting phase our dossier had entered. 

A quick recap, if you don't want to go back and read that post again: 

• Dossier was sent to Haiti on 6/20/16.
• We are told to expect it to take at least couple of months to be officially registered with IBESR. My brain says: "Oh, okay. 6/20 + 2 months = 8/20. (Mind you, there is no chance that this exact science works. This is just me trying to make sense of the nonsensical.)
• We also learn that work at IBESR slows to a snail's pace in August, due to vacations. My brain sighs, and recalculates: "6/20 + 2 months (-August) = 9/20".
• We vow to be patient.

July passed without a word, as expected. August inched by and I scoured blogs and Facebook groups for any reports of movement at IBESR. August closed without any news. I realized that I should stop holding my breath. September began. 

Okay, bear with me for a second while I take a quick detour. It is connected, I promise:

This last weekend, I was the Director of a camp I have volunteered at for about 12 years. For privacy reasons, I'll omit specific details, but suffice it to say that I think of our camp community as my other family. Here are kind and thoughtful people who face unique challenges every day, and do so with courage and grace. Many of the camp families have also adopted (most of them many times), and I am grateful to get to see these children and families grow, both through pain and through joy.

I was feeling pretty low before camp. A lot happening at work, stress about planning for camp, exhaustion due to E being sick, etc. I found myself slipping into some sad days thinking about our as-of-yet-unknown Haitian daughter. Missing her. 

As it usually does, camp filled me again. I was reminded to take stock of what is precious in life and give thanks for all that I have. I witnessed these beautiful and diverse families being--well--families! Unfettered. I have much to learn from them. 

I promise that we're getting close to bringing this tangent back around to connect to the start of the post. 

This year, I learned that one of the girls (who has been to camp for years) is Haitian. This had never come up before in conversation! In the last moments of camp, I also learned that the Executive Director of the camp grounds has a Haitian son. Again; I knew he had a blended family, with adopted children, but had no idea one of his children was from Haiti. As a Christian, I can't help but recognize that these slow revealings are a purposeful part of His plans (you know, the one that I can't control). And you better believe that I'll be holding onto these connections tightly, to learn from and lean upon. 

Of course, though, this brought my mind back to our dossier. Where was it? Was it buried in a stack of paperwork, not yet visible? Was it sitting front and center on someone's desk, next in line for review? Were we going to receive word that one of our documents was not acceptable, sending us off on a chase to correct it (and translate/notarize/authenticate it)? The lack of visibility into these processes is so frustrating. I essentially help identify, create, and implement process improvements for a living. I know that there could be a way to make this process automated, transparent, and efficient. Alas, that is not my place here. 

So, here we are, on 9/6/16, a day after returning from camp. I can't stop thinking about the adoption. 

This morning, as part of my usual routine, I pulled up my email and saw a note from our caseworker. She just received word that our dossier was registered in Haiti on 8/8/16! A MONTH AGO! I instantly teared up (erm, might be again now) and texted Justin to make sure he'd seen the news. The timing is just incredible, and we are overjoyed that one more hurdle has been passed. 

So, what's next? 

You probably know the answer. Say it with me now: more waiting. Since 8/8, we have been eligible to receive a referral--to be matched with our child.

When we started this process, last November, we were told it could take a long time for a match, but waits vary greatly. That is still the case. Many families I've seen have waited 18-24 months for their referral. As I've said before, it's challenging to find "like" families of to compare. We are essentially part of the I800 "guinea pig" group. There have been murmurs of a new matching process coming soon, and with this comes the hope that it may speed up. Who knows. In some countries, matches occur faster for children of certain ages (typically older) or children with medical or special needs. It is hard to see any discernible pattern of this occurring in Haiti, as of yet. We will just need to wait and see.

Thank you for your prayers, your encouragement, and your thoughts. Please, keep it coming.

Love and hugs