Getting to Know K

Somehow, it's been over two weeks since Kattiana has been home. We are in a bit of a haze, and I've been trying to stay on top of  capturing observations about our lovely littlest lady, in fits and starts. I want to keep writing, but will be working to strike a careful balance between introducing you to our love and maintaining privacy of her and our family.  Bear with me as I figure that out. 

We've been cocooning at home with her since she came home (for some great understanding on this, watch this and read this), with the goal of keeping her world small. This allows us to focus on our bonding and attachment, by being the only people who meet her every need, as well as introduce her to new experiences and people slowly. Knowing her in the safe environment of our home/neighborhood will also help us better recognize when she's too overwhelmed outside of the house, and slow things down again.  

These two weeks have been equal parts amazing and hard. Kattiana is a very busy toddler, and both Justin and I can quickly feel stir crazy when at home all day. We are so grateful for the early spring sunshine these last weeks, as she wants to be outside ALL. THE. TIME. Our backyard and the small alley behind our house has been a perfect haven for her (and Eisley and the dogs) to play, run, and squeal. We are also incredibly fortunate to have three parks within walking distance in our neighborhood, and we've made a daily routine of trekking to one, if not all of them. Justin and I have tried to find times each day where one or both of us can separately leave the house, for some alone time, aka self care. This has mostly consisted of going to the gym, taking Eisley to/from school, and going to the grocery store, but I had coffee with a friend this week and I kind of felt like a real adult again! 

We are also working to build in special one-on-one time with Eisley. I took her for girl time and ice cream last week (a real treat, if you know our family) and Justin took her to Starbucks and played a board game with her this week.  Remember, her world has been completely changed, too!  

Vulnerably, I will admit I miss the comfort and familiarity of the routine we had. It's difficult to describe. I joked with a friend this week that it doesn't feel like we have two kids; it's more like 1+1=12. This in no way means I regret where we are now, or am not thoroughly enjoying the sweet moments. But, bringing a new person  into any family shakes things up, and I think we're experiencing some grief of the loss of this past.

Although still cocooning, we have taken Kattiana on a few short trips away from the house (social security office, doctor, a park farther away, and recently the store). The first car ride was very difficult for her, but she's gotten a bit more comfortable and calm each time, and our short forays have been pretty successful! It's tempting to keep our lives busy and full, but we are actively working to keep things simple and not overdo it too quickly. It would be very hard to go backwards in this special phase, and ideally, this time builds a safe foundation and structure for her future!

Without further adieu, here are some observations of our first couple of weeks together.

• Kattiana is vibrant. She is always moving and curious. Where Eisley is able to become absorbed in and focused on a task, activity, or game for long periods of time, Kattiana is all over the place. She's truly a busy toddler! She's also a tiny little bug: 25th percentile for weight, and .27 for height. You read that right; not even 1st percentile for height yet!
• The exception to her short attention span is anything that involves playing with water. She LOVES it. This means baths have been a joy! Justin set-up a makeshift water table outside with a few different sized containers and utensils, and it's incredible to sit back and watch her explore. Pour, scoop, stir, repeat. 
• She's a bit clumsy right now. I imagine this could be because she's moving around so much more now than she has in the past, is probably growing by the minute, and, well, she's a small child. Sadly, she's fallen down hard enough that she bit through her lip (twice)!
• Technically, the first English word she purposefully said was on our flight home. She pointed to the in-flight menu and asked "Mama, ki jon li rile?" (Mama, what is this called?) "Sandwich", I replied. "SAM-WICH!" she shouted back, joyfully. In that moment, I knew she was my daughter. (Okay, in all of the moments for the last few years I knew that, but this felt like a real clincher, y'all.)
• At home, our Kreyol/English has been very much toddler level, but we are getting by. We are doing our best to speak to her in Kreyol, and then follow-up directly in English. As is helpful for most small children, conversing in short, clear, sometimes repetitive sentences is key, and our weak Kreyol is holding up to this so far. She is repeating English very well, when prompted, but not really using it on her own yet.  We're narrating our every day in English for her, and a few days ago, she seems to have figured out what tree means, and gleefully points out every tree she sees and hollers "TREE!" She seems to have begun understanding and responding to some of our basic English questions or directions, likely due to the routine we are working to build into our lives, and we are hopeful that once her English improves, things will become even easier for her.
• She might be ambidextrous? She doesn't favor her right or left hand for eating, coloring, or playing; it'll be interesting to see how this shakes out!
• She has grown to tolerate, if not downright appreciate, the dogs. The first few days, we kept them away, and she was very scared. We knew that her exposure to dogs in Haiti was minimal, and a loud pug and giant doodle were definitely not going to be welcome roommates right away (if ever?). Then, around day three, she began calling Dubby, patting him, and scolding him when he barked at the air. Now, she'll pet Poppy, and overall doesn't seem to notice them unless they're lurking around her food.  Hooray!
• She loves to eat. We anticipated food security challenges and we'll continue to help her gain trust in the knowledge that she has access to enough food whenever she needs it, but this will take time. Right now, when we begin cooking, she'll get a bit upset that the food wasn't immediately available for her to eat, even if she had been helping us prep. She has been particularly angry at the oven and microwave: it probably looks like we get out tasty food for her, and then the depths of the oven/microwave ate it instead! She also gets upset if someone is eating something different from her. The tantrums around these two particular things has slowed down a bit, as we've found ways to help her calm, including giving small snacks while preparing the meal.
• Sleep has been hard. This is where I'm personally struggling the most, and I've honestly had some stressful flashbacks to Eisley's infancy, when we were incredibly sleep-deprived and barely functioning. We know that the sleep habits in the creche were poor, and planned to have Kattiana in our room in her own bed there for as long as it takes. She sleeps alright during nap and mostly through the night, but getting her to calm her body and mind and to actually fall asleep takes anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half (typically about an hour), and is typically begun with a long period of crying and wailing. It took until just a few days ago for her to let Justin even try, so I'm grateful that now he and I are able to trade off helping her get to sleep. We are continuing to tweak and adjust are routine, to figure out what is best for her. Once she is calm and snuggled into my arms, though, I am in one of my truly happiest places.
• She is eager to help. When done with meals, Eisley's job is to put her dishes away in the dishwasher or sink, and Kattiana immediately began emulating her in this, throwing away things when asked, even putting toys away (well, sometimes. every once in awhile. kind of. like any kid). She's excited to help pick out her clothes and shoes, and is helpful in trying to put some of the articles on her body on her own.
• She also has shown so much compassion. When I have stubbed my toe or said "ouch!" she has paused, looked at me with concern, and patted me gently. When she combs my hair (a common activity in our house, now), and I flinch at her tugs on a particularly wicked snarl, she'll stop, look me in the eyes, and murmur "pa kriye mama" ("Don't cry, mama"). It's pretty incredible and sensitive. 
• She and Eisley are playing together pretty phenomenally, so far, particularly for two very different and passionate girls. Eisley takes her role as big sister very seriously, and has been so kind and patient (sometimes attempting to mother her, which is another story). Kattiana has also taken the role of little sister seriously. Emulatingt Risley, takingher clothes and shoes, you name it, hah! While Eisley she was at Nana's yesterday, Kattiana asked us twice where sister was. Heart melting.